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The rollicking hype machine that is Colorado showed out

There were games before Saturday, but for all intents and purposes, this was the day college football finally returned to us — and not a moment too soon.

Think of all we’ve endured over the past nine months. Realignment, tampering, NIL proposals from the federal government, the 2023 Yankees. It’s been rough.

But then Week 1 kicked off, and all was right with the world once more.

Yes, Colorado stole the show with an Eras Tour-level performance, but Saturday had everything we’ve been missing since the last time TCU was embarrassed on a national stage.

We opened the day with a grown man in Charlotte, North Carolina, covering himself in mayonnaise, which would seem to fly in the face of the narrative that the ACC isn’t a great TV product.

Ahead of the Duke’s Mayo Classic, a fan decides to take to a mayonnaise bath at College Gameday.

TCU fans gave us our first epic reaction shot of the season, and a Liberty player gave us — honestly, we’re not sure what this is, but we’re pretty sure the Liberty student code of conduct doesn’t allow it.

Why so serious? 🃏cc: @nocontextcfb

Iowa threw a passing touchdown on its opening drive of the season for the first time since 1991. Think about that. There have been more President Bushes since then than season-opening Iowa passing TDs. And then, of course, offensive coordinator Brian Ferentz’s offense did so little in the second half against Utah State that the quest for 25 points per game is already behind schedule.

Oregon, meanwhile, had so much offense it nearly killed its mascot. Not since the KFC Double Down sandwich has a bird been so battered.

Oregon breaking their modern era record for points in a game (81) resulted in A LOT of push-ups for their mascot 😳

As has become tradition, Georgia toyed with an obviously overmatched opponent like a cat batting a mouse around before delivering the fatal blow. The Bulldogs led just 17-0 at the half but ultimately beat Tennessee-Martin 48-7.

We saw a man driving a motorized garbage can.

What’s going on in Bozeman? 😂

We’d note that, had Butch Jones only thought to attach a lawnmower engine to his famed turnover trash can, his time at Tennessee might’ve turned out entirely different. But we’re not here to pile on. Jones had a rough enough day already.

Justin Parks consoling his head coach Butch Jones during a tough afternoon ❤️

Sure, it was a little disappointing that Texas A&M won a game without Jimbo Fisher and Bobby Petrino coming to blows on the sideline, but there’s a genuine Chekhov’s gun scenario here. There will be a payoff before the show’s over.

The wheels came off the Texas Tech bandwagon, as Wyoming stunned the Red Raiders in walk-off style. Though we wouldn’t recommend walking far in Wyoming. There are coyotes out there.

Wyoming takes home an exciting 35-33 win in double overtime against Texas Tech.

We saw upsets — Fresno State over Purdue, Northern Illinois over Boston College and, most shockingly, Texas State over Baylor.

Crack a cold one.
Enjoy happy hour
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